i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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