you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
