did you get engaged???
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just tell him i said nine months
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
our cab driver is having phone sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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