oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
