I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
