a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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