I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
