the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
