yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
