his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
