I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
