Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize