Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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