You made me cry and you don't even care
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
