you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
