i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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