i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You smell like stripper and shame
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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