Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize