we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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