this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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