Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize