are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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