If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
