Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
