life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
