JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
