apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
