This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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