i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
