you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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