im drinking this country out of the recession.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
