Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
