This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
