I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
