my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
