Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
