my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
