I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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