dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
