I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am naked and annoyed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize