why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
