don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
