So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
