I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
