Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
