so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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