WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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