Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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