can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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