i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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