I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize