Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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