I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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