dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
