Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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