spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she smelled like a LAN party
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
