Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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