He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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