Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
