I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
two words: eviction party
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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