i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
