dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
