True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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