I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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