Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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