It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
