So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
