She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
