Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize