Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
